February 12, 1996

Dedicated to Ernest Leonard Yanavich after I packed my things, turned the house over to him, and moved to Texas to begin a new life. It was a painful time knowing that I was always compared to his partner Bruce who died of AIDS, and I was never acknowledged for my own love or who I was.

______________
A Ghost Of My Past

I sat the morning after
watching you sleep
soundly in my arms.

Silky long hair, smelling of sex
wooed and wow'ed by your charms.

The touch, the warmth, your essence,
Reminders of times before you came

I was just a young boy learning
You had a different name.

I frightened you so
describing your life's story

An addictive novel
unsuspecting truth
and tons of colorful glory.

How could I know?
Did you have a twin?
The words so powerfully true
answers flowing from within.

I want / crave / ache / desire.

I need / love / remember

such fire.

My stupid emotions
have caused me great pain
from a power I gave you
standing cold in the rain.

Wanting more than you can give,
You'll never understand.
In love with a ghost
not the physical man.

I want / crave / ache / desire.

I need / love / remember

such fire.

Aroused by a touch,
immersed in his wake,
you remind me so much
of the love I used to make.

Don't flatter yourself
don't be upset
Regardless,
how hard you try
or how close you get.

You're a placeholder in the midst
a trophy on my shelf.
The words you think
will never leave
at least,
not from yourself.

I want / crave / ache / desire.

I need / love / remember

such fire.

Though I love you like him
no way it could last
It's really not you
But a ghost of my past.

Enjoy the moment for what is
instead of what it’s not
Good sex
Lots of laughs
And times really hot.

Someday you'll find
a love like mine
till then feel free to boast.

That I had the chance
to get down the pants
of a man in love with a ghost.

© Copyright, 1996. Rick Wagner